April 17, 2024

Twins Who Were Twins Are Growing Up To Be Individuals

  • Kara Remley Yang and her twin sisters were often treated as a unit rather than as individuals.
  • When they had twins, she decided to break with family naming tradition.
  • She wants her twins to know that they have different interests, hobbies and friends.

There are many twins in my family: My grandmother had twin brothers, then she had twin boys, her daughter had twin girls, and me and my twin brother were twin to her son – my father. Then one of the girls had twins.

Every time I’ve been pregnant, people have excitedly joked that it might be twins. My family and co-workers seem to love the idea of ​​having a few. Unfortunately for the optimists around me, all of my pregnancies were singletons, but my cousin is one of those twins who had twins of her own.

As a twin and mother of two brothers, Kara Remley Yang, tries to do some things differently than her parents when it comes to raising her daughters. One of them has deliberately treated them as two individual children rather than accepting them as a set that always wants to be together.

She broke the family tradition with the names

When the news came that she was pregnant with twins, she realized that she wanted names that would go together but that was not the case. In doing so, she broke a family tradition — all-literal names for twins. Our uncles were Barry and Brent, she and her sister Kara and Kaely, and my twins and I Tristan and Trisha. Taylor and Jayda are twins.

Remley Yang grew up in Canada. But she is raising her four daughters – two singles and a set of twins – in Taiwan, where she and her husband run an international aid organization. Because of this, there are some cultural differences from how she was raised, especially when it comes to the intense academic focus. When she was growing up, school was essential but there was little pressure on her to succeed academically. When the school day was over, she and her sisters would be out in the yard playing. In Taiwan, however, there is a lot of homework and test preparation that parents have to help with. She found out because of that that she has to be more proactive in school than her parents were.

She wants them to be independent individuals

But the biggest difference between her and her parents’ parenting is how she treats her twins. She and her sister had the same group of friends growing up, they did everything together, and were seen as a unit, even within the family. “They never called us by name, it was always ‘twins!'” said Remley Yang.

“It was always ‘the twins’ when mum and dad took us out on dates, but the other kids got one-on-one time.” She will refer to her middle daughters as twins when she talks about them, but when she talks to them she always calls them by their names. And she works hard to make sure each child gets one-on-one time with mom and dad.

A couple posing for a photo

Kara Remley Yang’s twin daughters.

Courtesy of the author



Remley Yang also encourages her twins to embrace their own interests. “My mom always dressed us up in the same cute outfits or the same outfit in two different colors and even did our hair the same,” she said. “The only time I really got to dress my twins was when my mom brought me clothes from Canada when they were born.”

Remley Yang said that as she grew older, she didn’t always want to be identified and defined as a twin. She wanted to grow into herself. “I’m always trying to teach my girls, especially the twins, to figure out who they are. When they have opportunities for activities, I try to put them in different ones.”

Although she and her sister were very similar in what they did and liked, her twins are very different. One is outgoing and athletic, while the other is quiet, creative, and happy to be a homebody. She wants to nurture their unique qualities as much as she can. However, her twins love being together most of the time.

And Remley Yang understands that. Even with her frustrations about always being “twins,” her twin sister is still her “best friend in the whole world.” They have been living on the other side of the planet for almost 15 years but still talk almost every day and are the ones to call each other about anything and everything.

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